I had a shower this morning. I’m telling you this just to ensure you don’t end up thinking I will become, as Gavin said, a hobo. Having smartened myself up, it was time to smarten up our house, or should I say the caravan, and repair all the wee things that were bugging me. So I asked the man in charge of the campsite where I could get this and that and he directed me to Media Markt in Heidelberg and a camping shop nearby called Caravania.
So off we went to Heidelberg, but not to see the sights. Today would be a smash-and-grab raid on the shopping side of this esteemed old town and we would keep our tour for tomorrow. Ten minutes down the road and with a great deal of help from a contrite Victoria, we parked outside the Hi-Tec store. Before we even got out of the car, the old man next to me reversed out to leave, just as a van opposite tried to do the same. We watched in amazement as he headed for the back of the van which, oblivious to the impending crunch, changed to forward gear and drove away without a scratch, never realising his timing had been perfect to the nano-second.
I quickly tracked down the satellite dish I wanted, added a few F-connectors then left with nothing as we wanted to be sure we could get a tripod (drei Beine) to support it. Sure enough the Camping store wasn’t that far away and we soon had a tripod stand and a couple of wee bits and pieces we needed for the awning. Actually we were pretty chuffed we managed to explain in German the thing we wanted, as we don’t really know what we call it in our own language. It’s the bracket with the hole in it which is in the caravan wall and which you stick the awning support pole hook into. God, what a nerd I sound writing that!
Back at Media Markt, we bought the satellite dish and the connectors and that was that. Back to Neckargemünd please, Victoria. Once home I zoomed off to Aldi to get the tea (and some wine!). But wait for this. As I draw into the Aldi car-park, a huge rat crawls in front of the car. It appears injured but as it reaches the kerb a big crow flies in and grabs it, takes it up then drops it. Three more crows jump in as the rat meets the tarmac, then I don’t want to watch any more. You don’t see that in Lochee on a Monday, do you? It’s usually a lot wilder!
Suffice it to say that I spent the hours after tea putting my new satellite system together and Hey Presto! we have perfect reception on Astra 28 tonight so Nigella Lawson is being beamed into our caravan and giving me an appetite!
Would you believe it! I have just had a reply from the woman at the Courier, apologising for not replying to my previous e-mails. She says there is no longer a place in the Courier for a serial but, as she liked the example chapters from my book, she recommends I offer it to The Scots Magazine. I think I’ll sleep on that.
Delighted you liked the story about the Gangstas. Maybe your imaginations aren’t so far removed from my weird musings as you might hope.

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